Are You a Perfect Mother?

by | Jan 13, 2016 | Life Coaching, Parenting, Wellbeing

As a mother, do you take time for yourself? Do you spend money on yourself or do you see this as selfish?  I used to. I used to think that my existence once I had a baby was all about my child and I wanted to be a ‘perfect mother’.  I still worked full-time and in fact that made things worse for me because then I felt I had to be ‘Superwoman’.  Needless to say, I couldn’t keep it up and it affected my health.

I began to realise that trying to be a perfect mother is an impossible task.  It is an idealised role and nowadays can be made worse by fake, ‘perfect lives’ that can be posted on social media.

The ‘perfect mother’ has no needs of her own.  She gives selflessly to her children, partner and family members.  This is done with the best of intentions and comes with an emotional cost.  No matter how much one strives, perfection will never be achieved and therefore one can feel a failure and inadequate. (See my previous blog on perfectionism)

Do you:

  • Feel overwhelmed?
  • Have unrealistic expectations of yourself?
  • Take on the expectations of others?
  • Feel ignored or insignificant?
  • Dismiss your own feelings as unimportant?
  • Do others dismiss your feelings?
  • Do you feel you have lost your identity?
  • Do you know what you want?
  • Are you experiencing fear of the unknown?
  • Do you feel something is wrong but you’re not sure what?
Change is difficult but ask yourself: Is this how you want to still feel next year or further in the future?

Some ways to begin to feel better:

  • Take responsibility for your life
  • Recognise your limitations
  • Consider what beliefs you are holding about parenting and where they came from
  • Look at the expectations of yourself and others
  • Ask for help
  • Talk to others – seek support from someone you trust and can be vulnerable with
  • Create time for yourself. Have fun!

You cannot control everything and it is not your responsibility to fix everything or everyone. Lead by example for your children.  Allow them to see a self-reliant parent who values themselves and experiences lessons rather than mistakes and failures. One who can take responsibility for their life and happiness, does not blame others and allows their children to experience decision-making and consequences. An adult mother develops a feeling of family as all members can contribute towards a cohesive group rather than a mother controlling and being responsible for everything.

If this has resonance for you, take control for a happy and fulfilled life